Sunday, August 07, 2005

Mwakwere Is an Embarassing Zebra

Onyango Oloo Offers His Thoughts on The Latest Diplomatic SNAFU By Kenya's Foreign Affairs Minister...

0.0.This Just In: Hamba Kahle Ibrahim Ferrer!

Just found out a few moments ago on this Sunday afternoon that one of the world's best crooners and most beloved entertainers,


Ibrahim Ferrer has passed on at the age of 78. Mzee Ferrer was a virtuoso of the son and the bolero. Two other members of the famed Buena Vista Social Club-pianist Ruben Gonzalez and guitarist Compay Segundo, died in 2003.

Ibrahim Ferrer:

Rest in Peace...You warmed our hearts with music, proved that you could be an ageless romantic past 101 and most importantly helped to familiarize the world with the sounds, the faces, the sentiments, the talent, the optimism, the love for fellow humankind and the patriotism of the Cuban people that US imperialism and the Florida Mafia have tried in vain to keep as a dirty secret from the rest of the world through economic blockades, subversion and pure disinformation. As the South Africans say, "Hamba Kahle Mzee Ferrer, Hamba Kahle!"

1.0. Remembering the 60th Anniversary of the Japanese Holocaust

Little Boy the first atomic bomb to be ever dropped on human beings

Fat Man, The Second Bomb to dropped by the United States military in Japan

"Today, we are all Hibakusha"

Kofi Annan, UN Secretary General in a Message to the People of Hiroshima and Nagasaki,August 6, 2005

Yesterday, in sombre ceremonies in Japan, tens of thousands of people from around the world gathered in global solidarity to mark the 60th anniversary of the devastating twin American made nuclear mini-holocausts of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Originally written EXACTLY ONE YEAR AGO. Please update where necessary:

six decades short
by one year
have elapsed
since a terrible surrender
was bombed out of the japanese
enola gay
more than
two hundred
and fifty thousand
children, men and women
who had no quarrel
with the american people
fifty nine years
have gone by
since that terrible
crime against humanity
the criminals
still walk free
flying over
other skies
their packets
of mass destruction
on other invaded,
subjugated and subhumanized people

six decades short
of a solitary year
enola gay
is fifty nine years old today
august 6th, 1945
was the unwanted birthday of
the japanese holocaust
hiroshima and nagasaki
is where
the tragic remembrance parties
are being held
a somber memorial with
no piñatas, no balloons, no cakes
only candles, paintings and songs
to recall that
morbid murderous mushroom
that announced
the arrival of the ultimate
suicide weapon
that could erase
every last one of us
on this blue marble
to eternal extinction
should a crazy
seven star general
in an imperialist uniform
gleefully decide
to take the bush doctrine
to its next logical step
and push
that dreaded button

thermonuclear meltdown
of the human race,
its achievements and conquests
is what we contemplate every year
as the pentagon
and their haliburton like corporate buddies
push for
the next smart bomb
the next computer guided missile
the next gizmo fitted killer helicopter

means peace in kiswahili
as it does
in arabic
and a host of other tongues
as we fight for peace
we marvel
at the obscenity
of the war criminals
who invade
entire countries
in order to impose
their own militarized version of peace

like the peace
currently prevailing
in kabul and kandahar
a peace that
is guaranteed by
women hating mullahs
who are clones of the taliban
but wear different head gear
like the peace
in falluja and nassiriya
the peace in
the west bank and nablus
the peace in darfur

how can we
achieve world peace
when war criminals
like kissinger
are given the nobel prize
and sent
on peacemaking missions
how can we achieve peace when
cynical thugs like ariel sharon
bomb to smithereens palestinian homes
and blame the victims for grenades
and missiles unloaded on them
how can we achieve world peace
when mass killers
like blair and bush
are seen by their supporters
for having made
the world safer for
democracy and progress
after demolishing
the seven thousand year
legacy of iraq’s contribution
to world civilization

on this friday in august
our thoughts
are with the japanese
in hiroshima and nagasaki
on this sixth day of august
our thoughts
are with the survivors
and descendants
of the japanese holocaust

what happened
to the war criminals
who dropped the atomic bomb
on gap toothed
school children and
dozing grandmothers
what happened
to the killers
of factory workers
and the murderers
of shop keepers

amani duniani
is what we say
peace in the world
is what we mean
amani duniani
is what we want
world peace
is what we are fighting for

to the japanese
we say
stand by you
in fighting for peace
in keeping alive
the memory of
hiroshima and nagasaki
to residents of
hiroshima and nagasaki
we say
we are with you in spirit
because we know that
mombasa, kisumu,
nakuru, lunga lunga
busia, kakamega,
embu and other places
in our country kenya
could be
future hiroshimas
and potential nagasakis
and that is why
we kenyans
join the japanese
in fighting for peace in the world
amani duniani
amani duniani
tupiganie amani dunia

let us fight
for peace in the world
even if it means
picking up arms
to fight the war
that will end
all wars...

onyango oloo

originally composed spontaneously and posted online at 5:00 pm est friday, august 06, 2004

Click to read here to browse through our 2004 message of solidarity and peace to the people of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

There is really very little that we would like to add this year, to that message from yesteryear...

2.0. A Presidential Send Off for Our North West-Southern Patriot

Closer home, there were similar earnest entreaties for peace yesterday in nearby Sudan as the late

Dr.John Garang' was laid to rest.

Rebecca Nyandeng, the widow of John Garang, addresses the crowd in Yei village in Southern Sudan August 5, 2005.

3.0. Today is August 7th-Remember 8 Years Ago in Nairobi and Dar es Salaam:

4.0. Will Kenyan Commandos Capture Tony Blair And Bring Him to Nairobi to Face Murungaru's Mob Justice?

"We will not accept such rudeness!"

Kenyan Foreign Minister, Ali Chirau Mwakwere, threatening to INVADE

the UK with a joint African led UN Force and do a REGIME CHANGE on Tony Blair

"Your presence would not be conducive to the public good in the light of your character, conduct and associations..."

excerpted from a CONFIDENTIAL letter written by British Home Secretary Charles Clarke


Kenyan Transport Minister Dr.Chris K. Murungaru

Some "Observers in Nairobi" as Hilary Ng'weno used to refer to his anonymous sources, think that our Foreign Minister, Ali Chirau Mwakwere is running errands for his embattled cabinet colleague and other lieutenants of the much dreaded Mount Kenya Mafia.

I happen NOT to share this belief.

Mkware Mwakwere is no messenger boy, no pitchman

for no Bad Boys, Nooobooody!!!(that is an inside joke that Kenyans from Ontario will "get" readily)

No. Our minister is no mtumishi.

In fact I think he is that ANIMAL Luos call affectionately,

Magwar aka Punda Mlia aka the Common Zebra forgetting to cross the road using a Zebra crossing and therefore right on schedule to being run over by a long distance

lorry, truck or trailer to Uganda or Rwanda or Congo somewhere along the Msa-Ug HIV infected route.

If the minister is HIT by a trailer truck (that may or may not be manufactured in the UK) in the course of the next few weeks, at least all the blog readers will not complain that I did not give ample ADVANCE WARNING.

So am I trying to INSULT the Mheshimiwa Waziri?

Of course not.

I am merely pointing out that just like the zebra above, we are watching Ali Mwakwere crossing a road that he imagines belongs to his friends in the cabinet.

In other words, my investigations reveal that our Foreign Minister currently possesses NO CLUES when it comes to this thing called DIPLOMATIC PRAGMATISM.

The man is uncouth when it comes to the practical application of international relations theory within a bilateral context.

Shall I break it down?

Can anyone say:

Madereva Watatu?

Remember before they were released the Kenya government's policy- with the exception of the indefatigible efforts of

Ambassador Yufuf Nzibo was puncutated by the almost blasé don't-care attitude of the minister himself?

While some of us were joining anxious ordinary Kenyans in sending direct appeals to the kidnappers, Ali Mwakwere was busy falsely announcing that the drivers had been released and were on their way home from Egypt when the facts indicated the exact opposite-something which actually imperiled the lives of these Kenyans for quite sometime before they were released.

At one point at the height of the crisis, our hapless Foreign Minister had to dash like an Olympic short sprinter, panting straight into the court-room to avoid being swung in the coolers by a not so amused Chief Magistrate Muchelule.

That is why I had to snicker or as some people put it, snigger openly upon eyeballing a Reuters news story soaked with Mwakwere's surreal braggadocio, promising fire and brimstone to a UK that is busy listing ways of further excluding people already in country from remaining in that Fortress Europe. I mean, quite apart from its QUIXOTIC components, Mwakwere's outburst may provoke a bluff calling touche! not just for Murungaru but for other high ranking Kibaki regime insiders as well.

In the international sphere, Chris Murungaru is far from being bathed with the warmth of global respect for his moral probity and would certainly NOT be referred to as "Kenya's Mr. Clean Hands". One of my sources in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia informed me recently that the head honcho of our Transport ministry has rubbed some very powerful people in Oman the wrong way- and Oman works hand in glove with the British. It would appear that back when he was lording over the Internal Security ministry he terrorized a visiting Omani tycoon who was visiting Kenya as a tourist by seeing to it that the Omani had a ONE DAY travel visa- being bundled out of the country after 24 hours. As luck would have it, a short while later the same Murungaru found himself cooling his heels in Muscat, expecting a diplomatic waiver to get into the country because of his official Kenyan government title.

Well guess what? One thing about Arabs is that they never forget and they never forgive and word of the Omani's humiliation and Murungaru's appearance in Muscat had quickly spread. I am told that in his case, Murungaru never even got to step into Oman. He was kept waiting for several hours and then ordered to turn back. Do not forget that at one point the headquarters of the Omani Sultanate was in Zanzibar and many members of the royal family and top hierarchy are Waswahili from East Africa. The world has become a very small place because of the same globalization that some people keep touting and spouting.

My point is that a shady minister's secrets in Kenya today are not confined to Nyalgunga or Garsen-it may be classified information in a government file in Reyjavik, Iceland, or La Paz, Bolivia. And through global security and intelligence networks like Echelon, the West is very intimately briefed about Kenyan business trivia- who is getting a kickback in Maseno, to use a hypothetical and mythical example and who are the well-connected directors of Anglo-Leasing to use an actual real world example.

The ubiquity of digital communications has meant that a netter in Montreal like Onyango Oloo can receive a highly classified document from Nairobi before any single Kenyan journalist has gotten their hands on it. Sometimes the information is so sensitive that when it is MASS E-MAILED to multiple recipients outside the country, the Kenyan based informants, for fear of their own security mask their revelation in codes, changing names and sometimes even speaking in parables. For instance, I know that I am definitely not the only one who received this document that gave a hint of corruption in high places within the Kibaki regime.

Who is the author talking about?

Is it fact or is it fiction?

The other thing that the higher ups in the Kibaki regime do not realize that some of their very own middle ranking key people who were appointed by the regime because of ethnic affiliation are very sincere, patriotic people without a tribal bone in their bodies. These are people who know the corrupt deals which are being cut by the Cowboy Contractors and other Dubious Business Consultants within the corridors of power in Kibaki's Kenya. Since they cannot get their stories covered in the local press, guess who they go to? The Nairobi based representatives of the Western diplomatic corps. The German, Swiss, Italian, Japanese, Canadian, British, American, Norwegian, Danish, Swedish, Finnish, Chinese, French and other embassies along with the Nairobi offices of the UN, World Bank and IMF departments and programs are probably better informed about the murky goings on in Kibaki's administration than your average well read Kenyan news pundit hanging out at the Green Bar or K'Opiyo's. Foreign correspondents from the respective countries above of course get their dossiers from their deep throats in their respective embassies. Kenyans are not the most tight-lipped people when it comes to spilling the beans about shady deals- and the arrogance of the Mwirarias and Murungarus has made it easier for insiders to yak and yak and yak without a guilty conscience- and also seeing it as a patriotic duty to expose grand graft. If someone like John Githongo, whose own dad is a very close pal of the President got so disgusted at what he saw to the point where he was threatened with physical elimination, you can get a whiff of how vulnerable the Murungarus are when it comes to what a lot of ordinary Kenyans in Nairobi know about their every day lives.

How did I know that Chris Murungaru used to live near Adams Arcade? How did I know that at one point he was six months in arrears and was going to be evicted because he owed a paltry Kshs. 23,000 in rent? How did I know that within months of becoming a minister he had acquired a palatial residence valued in the millions in one of the most upscale suburbs in the Kenyan capital? How do I know that he is allegedly, on a regular basis, making the beast with the two backs with a certain MP? The information comes from well-connected younger Kenyans from one of the Mount Kenya ethnic groups. How did I know that Chris Murungaru was rigged into parliament the last time around? One of the Nyeri businessmen who rigged him in boasted openly to me and some Nairobi based colleagues one afternoon over lunch in a certain nyama choma place. How did I know that the late Karisa Maitha's demise was directly connected to a Viagara overdose? I was certainly not lurking under his German hotel room bed as he copulated with his third wife! How did I know that Ali Mwakwere is just crazy about teenage, underage pum pum? I was not hiding behind the backseat of his moti when he was busted on Koinange Street. How do I know that a certain high profile NARC top leader was caught on videotape feverishly giving up the punani in one of the top notch Nairobi hotels? I was not in the screening room when some of Pattni's videos were premiered. Was I there when Kaparo was allegedly swung 1.8 million, Kombo 800,000, Muite 400,000 and Obwocha 240,000? Was I in the State House the day Lucy Kibaki stormed in and threw a chair at Baba Jimmy on finding the "Othaya NARC activist" on the premises? I live in MONTREAL for crying out loud!

Now the foregoing is pretty ordinary, common place chicken feed idle low grade chit chat uvumi when it comes to "information gathering".

You can only wonder at the depth of the briefings the intelligence attaches in the Nairobi based Western missions are privy to on a weekly basis.

Now, it is safe to assume that among all of the Western missions, the British High Commission is by definition, the most well-connected and informed when it comes to the inner goings on in the Kenyan government. For a long time, British intelligence agents sat in the Kenyan cabinet- people like Bruce McKenzie and Charles Njonjo. Of course Tom Mboya did his moonlighting for the CIA as well. There are many Kenyans- Wazungu, Wahindi na Waafrika- who are part and parcel of the British intelligence community in Nairobi. Some of them are tycoons. Some of them are well-placed bureaucrats. Some of them are media figures. Some of them are well placed NGO and civil society big hitters. Some of them are none of the above- anonymous spooks who no one would suspect of working under deep cover. Every single week the British are gathering information about the Kenyan government.

Chris Murungaru is RIGHT when he says that one of his problems emanate with the entry of China and othe non-European states in the bidding wars for Kenya government contracts. I myself examined this possibility in my essay that wondered whether the Chinese had thrown the Kibaki government a life line. What Murungaru does not add is that BECAUSE the British are OUT TO GET HIM (and by the way to all those Gikuyu TRIBALISTS OUT THERE, it is hardly because he is one of the aindu aitu alright?) is because he is PERCEIVED TO BE ONE CORRUPT FELLOW FULL STOP.

Unfortunately for some government ministers in Kibaki's government, nowadays if you try to salt away SEVEN HUNDRED AND FIFTY MILLION SHILLINGS through a wife or girlfriend, there are eyes watching your every move. Because you need to stash away the cash, you need to do it in a sophisticated OVERSEAS and SECURE account. But guess what? 9/11 changed the rules of the game as Western governments reeled with shock to find out about the nexus between corrupt Third World politicians and businessmen and the demimonde of global terrorism. Sometimes this has led to "collateral damage" affecting INNOCENT and SINCERE business operations. On July 17, 2003 I wrote about what happened to al Baraakat which gives a pointer to what I am talking about.

I am making a very simple point:

When an

Edward Clay delivers a public speech in Nairobi about some people vomiting on the donors shoes, believe me he is not basing his speaking notes on what a

chang'aa reeking informant slurred to a High Commission deputy driver during a

ndombolo session at Octopus Bottoms Up in


When a

William Bellamy issues a statement in February 2005 decrying grand graft in the Kibaki regime, he is not exactly choking on a

ngege bone on that hustling and bustling eatery that is located at the

former Cameo Cinema in the Nairobi Business Disctrict.


Jim Wall,the Canadian High Commissioner tells reporters at the end of March 2005 that Kenya is losing aid to corruption, believe me, he is not downloading the 411 while going downtown on a changudoa retrieved from

the booming Mad House.


Satoru Miyamura, the Japanese envoy breaks from that inscrutable Asian stereotype to rip into Kibaki's government, you can bet that the source is not zonked out by the best

bhangi from Keroka Proper

or the purest

mairungi aka miraa, khat or qat


deepest Meru country.

If you browse through the current edition of the MI5 (British Intelligence) linked newsletter, Africa Confidential you will see their assessment of the developing scenario within the NARC government:

President Mwai Kibaki has serious doubts if his government can win the referendum and that is why he is dancing so close to Raila and the President has been DEEPLY EMBARASSED by his close aide Chris Murungaru.

That is why in my opinion, out of three conflicting statements from Orwa Ojode, Dr. Mutua and Ali Chirau Mwakwere perhaps it is the first official statement written by Permanent Secretary in the ministry of Foreign Affairs which most closely reflects the thinking of President Mwai Kibaki.

So where are Dr. Mutua and Waziri Mwakwere coming from?

First of all, forget about the spin doctor.

I see him as a


And remember that Minister Mwakwere is a

punda mlia.

Behind Mwakwere's ludicrous theatrics and Murungaru's panic inspired, anxiety ridden machismo bluster one should read the rearguard battle being staged by the beleagured Murungaru-Murungi faction of the Mount Kenya Mafia. The Mafia's paper, the Daily Nation is reporting today (Sunday, August 7, 2005) that:
"...With the recent political developments have emerged three distinct groupings around the President all struggling to be the most influential.

On the retreat is the group seen to coalesce around the besieged Dr Murungaru and Justice and Constitutional Affairs minister Kiraitu Murungi.

Clearly on the upsurge is the grouping around Special Programmes minister Njenga Karume and his National Security counterpart John Michuki.

A third force appears to rotate around the State House-based permanent secretary and presidential adviser on policy, Mr Stanley Murage.

When the Murungaru-Kiraitu axis held sway, the Government appeared to take a hard-line stand against the LDP faction of the ruling coalition. But with the group now apparently under siege both from within its own NAK wing and the LDP faction, the President has softened his stance towards LDP and its leader, Mr Raila Odinga, culminating in his recent tour of Mr Odinga’s home turf of Nyanza.

On the surface, there may not appear to be much of a relationship between the quagmire that Dr Murungaru is in today and the apparent thawing of the relations between President Kibaki and Mr Odinga. However, scrutiny reveals that there is more to it than meets the eye.

The Karume-Michuki political axis has had its profile boosted substantially by the success of President Kibaki’s tour..."

The first half of the story most clearly explains the reasons behind the three contradictory "official Kenya government statements" issued by Orwa Ojode, Dr. Mutua and Ali Mwakwere:

...Key figures in President Kibaki's inner circle have been alarmed by the Government statement in Parliament on Transport minister Chris Murungaru's British travel ban.

Coming soon after the President told them off on their complaints about his rapprochement with Roads and Public Works minister Raila Odinga, the group is getting alarmed that Dr Murungaru was being told to carry his own cross.

After consultations, Foreign Affairs minister Ali Mwakwere and Government spokesman Alfred Mutua were called in to issue an urgent "clarification".

The basic spin was to be that the statement read in Parliament by Assistant minister for Foreign Affairs Orwa Ojodeh – which stated that the travel ban on Dr Murungaru was a private affair and only he could shed light on the reasons – was unauthorised.

Hints were being dropped that the assistant minister had taken advantage of Mr Mwakwere's absence to issue an "LDP statement" as part of a scheme to deliver the killer blow on Dr Murungaru.

When he met the press on Friday, Mr Mwakwere did not exactly disown the Ojode statement. He said that the statement was okay, but the trouble was with the remarks which came up afterwards.

The same evening, however, Government Spokesman Dr Mutua was faxing to newsrooms a slightly different script: The statement read in Parliament by Mr Ojodeh, as well as subsequent comments, were "inaccurate".

What is exceedingly sad is that the Murungaru faction can not read the writing on the wall:

Dr. Chris Murungaru is DONE, GONE, KAPUT and any Mheshimiwa who is hanging on to him is going to be swept by a very strong gale that is going to sweep through that cabinet in the next few months.

For international credibility and to restore integrity in his battered and tattered regime, Kibaki has no choice:

He has to fire Murungaru. Keeping him in cabinet will only increase the number of Kenyan ministers who make it to the UK's no fly passenger list.

You know the other minister he should give urgent walking papers?

I know you are all thinking Kiraitu Murungi and/or David Mwiraria.

But that is NOT who I have in mind.

I am talking about that arch-bumbler known as Ali Mkware Mwakwere. he should be lowered from the Likoni or Mtongwe Ferry on to the Bahari Hindi. I am sure he can swim to Shika Adabu on the south coast of Mombasa fairly easily...

I am just wondering:

Is this Reuters story about 2 British soldiers being arrested in Nairobi today, August 7, 2005 and charged with attempted "car theft" inspired by petty-minded vindictiveness similar that inspired that deranged mob who set fire to a Mzungu's farm in Nyeri(how come our resident cyber police officers have not unleashed a statement denouncing ths criminal thuggery)or is it a mere coincidence?


I would like to end by offering some critical feedback to Dr. Chris Murungaru on his latest "defence" carried in the Kenyan dailies:

"...Cabinet Minister Chris Murungaru yesterday said he was bed-ridden during his recent trip to Britain and could not have done anything to warrant being banned from the country.

Maintaining he had done nothing wrong to warrant such drastic action, Dr Murungaru repeated that he would sue the UK Government for "spoiling his name and reputation."

He challenged the UK to give concrete reasons behind the ban or he would move to the international courts and file a defamation suit.

The Transport minister said he went to the UK for medical reasons, and had surgery on his hand so he was unable to move around or meet people.

Dr Murungaru's personal assistant Douglas Kaunda added that his boss was in London for medical treatment at Princess Grace Hospital during the period he is alleged to have engaged in "bad conduct."

He said it was now upon Britain to tell the world anything "non-medical" the minister may have engaged in...

Let me take it up from the very last line excerpted above.

So Murungaru would really like "Britain to tell the world anything "non-medical" the minister may have engaged in...."??

Is he serious, I mean, the member for Kieni and Kenya's Minister for Transport?

How about if the British obliged him and unleashed some classified information which not only indicts and implicates Chris but further deeply embarasses Kibaki?

How about if the British revoked the travel ban and allowed Chris back into the UK- so that they could go ahead and arrest him and charge with some kind of misconduct which they may or not have concrete evidence about?

Is that what Dr. Chris Murungaru really, really wants?

The chest thumping Murungaru and fire breathing Mwakwere are together, making Kibaki and his government look like an Africanized version of Charlie Chaplin's the "Great Dictator"- they come across as CHUMPS who have NO IDEA how to play the diplomatic game at all.

So what will Mwakwere do in retaliation to the British?

Order English, Welsh and Scottish tourists to stop photographing the beads at the Maasai Market?

Arrest on site any British students who hitch hike to Kakamega Forest?

Ban the use of the following words:

Johnny English,

English Muffin;

English Tea;

English As a Second Language;

English Grammar for Dummies,

English Dictionary and

English Literature?

You know what Mwakwere's and Murungaru's fulminations remind me of?

The guy in the picture below:

I wonder whatever happened to HIM?

Onyango Oloo


PS: The same document on "Stock Market Thought" that had been sent to me on July 15, 2004 was resent again today.

Below is a partial rendering of email to see when it was sent to me along with at least one hundred other people in the Kenyan financial, media and related sectors followed by a link to the document itself:

Subject: Stock Market Theft - Based on a True Story
From: "Jamhuri Online"
Date: Sun, August 7, 2005 4:53 am
To:(list suppressed)


The events below are based on factual happenings that took place in 2003 and 2004. Names, locations and dates have either been altered or are altogether fictitious because the matter is due in court any time in the latter part of the year 2005. The key suspects were apprehended : one is out on bail, while the other jumped bail. The suspects confessed to everything on the night of their arrest, but if they hire a good criminal lawyer they stand the very good chance of being set free.

The victim received full compensation of US $ 650,000.


Here the visuals it came with:

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